you were worth the wait...

dear sweetie,

you're here!! it's been a week and 1 day since you surprised us with your arrival, 3 weeks shy of your due date. i am amazed by you. i am amazed by your daddy. i am amazed by the amazing group of friends and support that helped usher you into the world. but, i am amazed mostly by God, His perfect timing, and His perfect workmanship. you are absolutely gorgeous. everyone who has seen you has instantly fallen in love with you and they should - you are a miracle. you came into this world hand first, as if to say "i've arrived, your wait is over." and i am so glad you are here. all the times i've cried, all the times i've doubted that you'd ever arrive, all the times i've envied and coveted a life that did not belong to me, and all the times i wished for you to come into our lives - all those feelings faded away the instant i heard your first cry. you are a precious soul that has entered your mommy and daddy's hearts and we are forever changed.

at this moment, i can barely hold back tears at the sight of your daddy holding you on his chest as he watches something on the computer and you are perfectly content and happy, safe and warm in his arms. sometimes i just watch and fall in love with you over and over again. knowing that you are mine and i am yours; we have a life together and i am excited to experience it with you.

i hope that i do a good job of being your mommy. i hope i do right by you. i hope that i will follow God in the ways of raising you the best of my ability that will bring Him glory and that will lead you to the truth of God and His Gospel.

i have never been so terrified, humbled, excited, and in love as i am right now. the task of parenting is huge and i will not take it lightly. i love you, buel burton newman v. you are truly a miracle and are loved beyond measure. you were worth the wait. i cannot imagine life without you. you are the perfect life to enter into our lives. thank you for becoming part of our family. i love you.


love,
mommy.

perhaps today is the day that i get to meet you face to face...

oh my sweetie...

we went to the doctor on friday to have the procedure done to try and flip you around and guess what!? you had already flipped upside. mommy and daddy are so proud of you and thankful that you were able to get into position. yesterday mommy had her last baby shower (a party where they shower me with gifts for you!) at pastor taylor's house - his lovely wife ms. paula who you will meet and who will give you many many hugs and kisses set it up and it was lovely. you got lots of fun things and everyone is so excited for your arrival. a few hours after the party though, something VERY interesting happened. the bag that you are in inside your mommy's tummy, sprung a leak! which means that in the very near future i will get to meet you! mommy and daddy called our friend and helper bridgette and she told us to breathe and to get rest and drink water. i went ahead and called the midwives to make sure that i do things the way they want me to in order to follow everyone's rules. they had me come in, checked on you and me and they said that you sound lovely! music to my ears. i love hearing that you're doing well, that you sound happy and strong. they checked me and everything sounds good with me too... so we have been given the go ahead to rest, eat, drink lots of fluids, and just wait until my body says it is time to go back to the birth center and work alongside our doula, support team, and midwives to get you here safely and happily. oh what a day!

i may get to see your face today. i may get to hold you. these thoughts get me through the pain that i am feeling as i type this... God has created my body to do this and even moreso, he has created you in His own image. what a beautiful gift life is. i love you, my son. daddy and i are eager to meet you. come soon.

love,

mommy

so soon my love...

hello sweetie,

daddy and i in hawaii... you were there too!

we are in the last weeks of my tummy being your place of residence and soon we get to meet face to face.  i get to hold you and breathe you in! your daddy gets to hold you and give you kisses and snuggles with that fuzzy beard of his. i get to feel you at my breast, to hold you until you sleep, to snuggle and stroke you. oh my lovely boy, i am so excited. it is still surreal to me that you are joining our family. you've already made your mark on my heart, your daddy's heart, your extended family's heart. i know i've said this almost every time i've written, but i just can't express it enough - you are loved by SO many people. so many people have prayed for you and over you, have cried for you and have had rubbed my belly just to get a feel of you before you arrive. you are cherished beyond words and will most likely be smothered with love and affection for years to come. oh my love... just a few weeks until we can finally see each other, instead of you just hearing my voice and me feeling your punches. oh the joy that is filling my heart just thinking about it!

currently, you are laying in a wonky position in my tummy. can you do me a solid and flip into a good position so that we can both have the most natural birth possible. i really want to be able to hold you and bond with you immediately after you come from my body, 10 months is a long time to be patient to meet you and once you're here, it will be incredibly difficult to wait any longer to see, touch, smell, and kiss you. i am going to an acupuncturist tomorrow to see if she can help you find your way to an optimal position for you to come into the world. and then the doctor's are going to try to turn you as well. however, once you turn, i bet you will feel awesome and then we'll be ready to meet! just a little hope that we can get you into a good position. but if for some reason, you REALLY need to stay the way you are, i know that meeting you will be beautiful and your daddy will do whatever he can to hold you and ease your entrance as best he can. he will hold you to his skin, he will sing and hold and comfort you. so no fear at all, no matter what, you are loved and will be cherished and taken care of. i promise.

the countdown is on. i'll see you soon. and until we meet face to face know this - i love you and have always loved you. i will love you all of my years. we have so much to talk about and i pray we never stop talking. i love you, i love you, i love you.

love,
mommy.

my little (big) boy!

hello sweetie.

you are my little big boy! yesterday, i met with my midwife to get a check up on you. your heart is pumping strong, you're moving around a lot, and everything is great! however, they wanted me to get an ultrasound to see how big you are because you're measuring a little big. well - according to the doctor's at the center for maternal and fetal medicine, you're going to be a big baby when you are born! you know what they also said? they said that you were beautiful, that you had a beautiful palate (which means you have great lips!), that you have a lot of hair, and that everything inside looks wonderful. to me, that means you are just right and i don't care how big you are... you're healthy, you're thriving, and you're amazing. at the appointment today, i got to see your face! not just a side view, an actual head on 3D image of your face!
you are quite handsome with a sweet nose and i cannot wait to see you in person. i also love that we could see how you were positioned (granted, you are breech and we need you to flip down here in the next week or so please...) and oh my goodness... it seems like you sleep like me! legs curled up under you and arms up at your face. if you slept like your daddy, then you'd sleep sprawled out on your belly. hehe... oh my buel, i love you so much. i cannot wait to meet you! i'll write again soon, i just wanted to mention how beautiful and awesome you are! i love you.

love,
mommy.

You make my heart smile...

Hello Sweetie!

It's been a bit since I wrote, but rest assured, I think and talk to you on a daily basis in real life! We are currently 29 weeks + 6 days along in your growing process! That means in about 10ish weeks (give or take a couple weeks), we will finally get to meet face to face. Daddy and I cannot wait! While we wait we have lots to do to get ready for your arrival. This weekend we are painting your room and then we will start putting things in their place! Oh your room is going to be amazing and I can't wait for you to see it. So much love is going into it!! But even more so, I cannot wait to see, touch, and kiss your face. Each day you roll around and kick, punch, and wiggle in my tummy and I soak it up. You're the most amazing gift I've ever been given. I don't know what I did to deserve such love - first God gave me your daddy. A man who is smart, funny, logical, interesting, musical, clever, handsome, loving, and simply amazing. And now, he's given me you... And oh the things I could say about you. But I think I'll wait till I meet you so I can give a better explanation of how amazing you are. But oh boy, I cannot wait to see you're wonderful face.

Lately, I had been getting bummed because several moms-to-be had made mention of dreams they have had about their babies growing inside them. Dreams about what they look like and such. I was bummed because most of my dreams are not sweet and exciting like that. And never about you! Well, aside from the dream that you were born with a full set of adult teeth that looked like big cartoon teeth!

Well, today I woke up happy because I dreamt about you in a nice way! We were in a place where I could see you inside my tummy, and you were so close it was as if I could hold you. Sadly, I couldn't because you were still in my tummy. At first you looked a little strange because the picture was not clear. But then things cleared up there you were - tiny with blonde fuzzy hair and blue eyes. Your daddy and I were looking at you with such love and excitement. I remember telling you "hey little man, you need to bake and get some more meat on those little legs, bubs." I guess you were so little and amazing, I was excited but wanted you to keep growing! 

Oh my boy, we are so excited to meet you and see you. But please keep growing and getting bigger. You have time and I'll do my best to be patient and wait for the perfect time for your arrival. We love you, Buel. You are our son and we are already amazed by you. See you soon. 

Love, 

Mommy

I love you. 

my wiggle worm!

hello sweetie!

so lately, you have been moving around A LOT! and its been the most wonderful experience ever. you wiggle and roll over and kick and punch. even your cousin carter felt you today. feeling you move in my tummy is so miraculous to me... the fact that you are growing and moving and becoming even more of a little man... it is so very exciting. your daddy has been gone this month visiting family in california and we will be joining him next week! he has not seen all the hard work of growing we've done, so he should be plenty shocked when he sees how big your mommy's tummy has gotten. he will also love, and be mildly weirded out by, the amount of movement going on. he will soon be bonding with you a lot more! he has missed you a lot. i know i would if i did not have you in my belly, so do me a favor - stay in there and cook until your done and very ready to come out. there is no rush; however, i would love to hold and kiss you RIGHT NOW. and while you're viable and could potentially survive if something happened and you were born early, i'd rather you stay in there where its the perfect temperature and you receive the right food and nourishment and have all the things you need to grow and be strong. so just cook away my son. cook away.

your cousin evan is asking you to come out and play!

i wonder how well you know me... i talk to you every day. every time you move, every time i can feel bits of you in my tummy, every time i think of you (which is very frequently) - i talk to you. i poke at you, i play with you, i ask you questions. i know you don't know what i'm actually saying to you, but i hope you can pick up on how much i love you. how much your daddy loves you. how much your family loves you. your pop-pop and grandma tell you they love you every time they see me. they pat my tummy and get real close just to say "i love you, flipper!" indeed, they are still calling you flipper. sometimes they call you V, because you have inherited your daddy's family name. your cousins carter and evan rub my belly and ask how you're doing every day! your grandma mo and grandpa burt ask about you, as do your uncles and aunts and everyone. and each time, i am thrilled to tell them how active you are and how excited you make me. we love you so much, sweetie... so much.

well... that is all. today we are at 24 weeks + 3 days... that means, theoretically, i get to see you in 16 weeks (give or take). that's just 4ish months! oh i cannot wait, but i will be as patient as possible so that you grow and move and get big and strong until the day you are supposed to be born. i love you so much, buel. you are a delight to my life and your daddy's.

love,
mommy.

buel burton newman v...

hello sweetie,

today i got to meet you... well sort of. it was all via technology, the wonders of computers, and smart people! but today i saw your face, your little body, your hands, your feet... and you are beautifully and wonderfully made. God saw fit to bless me with a beautiful little one in my tummy and i am so blessed by your presence. i know, i know... "mom, you say that all the time." i can't help it. you are beautiful. you are also... my little boy! you are our son and we cannot wait to see your face. i already feel like you probably have daddy's nose! oh my love, you are nothing short of a miracle given by God. Praise Adonai!

you are about 20 weeks, but you could actually be slightly further along - originally they said you're estimated due date was december 8, and while they will continue to go by that, today you are measuring at an estimated due date of december 2. your heart rate was 143. you weigh 14 ounces (which according to the tech is right on track for your age group). your bladder, kidneys, umbilical cord, feet, fingers, and face - all precious. they did so many other scans and measurements... lets see, what else. oh! i am pretty sure you KNEW there was some weird thing moving you around and looking at you today. you sure made the ultrasound tech work hard! my little man, you were wiggling, dancing, flipping over, and doing everything you could to dodge the ultrasound waves. i know, i know... they are probably annoying and you were probably trying to just chill. hehe. but i sure wanted to just stare at you and watch you move and groove. perhaps if mommy and daddy can afford to get the 3D/4D ultrasound done, maybe you will stay still for a little while so i can just get to look at you. its hard having to wait so long to hold you... so i cherish these pictures and the moments of seeing you move around. we love you so much, buel. keep growing, little one. keep swimming. keep up the great work.

okay - you're wiggling right now in mommy's tummy and she is ready to sleep. so here i go. i love you. it was so good to see you today. i cannot wait to see you again!

love,
mommy.

moving and grooving...

hello sweetie,

you are the size of a banana this week!
(starting tomorrow... i'm a day early when
posting this...)

so you're still in your mommy's tummy at this point. we're about at the halfway mark... which means we're halfway to the point of getting to meet each other face to face! i am so excited i can hardly stand it. the past 3 days you have been extra active in my tummy! i don't know if you're just bigger now and i can feel you more or you're realizing you have some pretty sweet dance moves and you're just going to go with it! either way, i am loving feeling your butterfly feet running across my tummy. at one point, you must have started doing the can-can because i literally got startled when i felt you. normally i feel you and i smile, this one caught me off guard and i could not help but grin from ear to ear! i love that you're moving all around in there. i love you so much. keep moving, grooving, and growing!

on monday, (that is 2 days from the time that i wrote this blog), i will be finding out if you are buel burton newman v, or if you will be daddy's little girl, amiette river newman.  either way, we love you and are so excited that you are apart of our family. i am very nervous to see your face. i have not seen your face once this entire time. i saw your heartbeat on the screen when you were but the size of a pea... but oh that heartbeat rendered me to tears. so i can only imagine what i will be feeling when i see your face on monday... please be okay. please be strong and healthy and perfect. i am praying that you are well and that everything is going well. i am praying that you will grow to be an amazing person when you grow up, because you're already an amazing person now! i mean, you have sweet dance moves! at the appointment on monday, they will measure you, check your heart, show me your feet, hands, legs, back, booty, and face. i have to say, i am super excited to see your face, but i'm also super excited to see your little feet and your pearl spine. you see, on the ultrasound picture, your spine will show as a string of pearls. that spine is basically a huge life source. so it is extra special to me. (big sigh) i cannot wait to see you on monday.

for now i must go. daddy is not well today (he has a tummy bug), so i am going to go to the church picnic by myself and hang out with your auntie neva. i love you so much and please, please, keep growing, moving, and grooving. i love to feel you in my tummy... it is the delight of my day!

love,

mommy.

your heart...

hello sweetie,

today we got a better doppler so that we can listen to your heartbeat whenever we want to bond with you a little more. this is your heartbeat...



i really wonder what you were doing... were you dancing? stretching? yawning? jumping? or just getting comfortable? :) oh little one, i can't wait to hold you! <3 and="" daddy="" day="" every="" i="" love="" much="" of="" p="" so="" think="" very="" we="" you="">
love,
mommy

who are you? let the bets begin...

dear precious love,

i find myself singing to you and talking to you. each time i feel your flutter, each time my tummy feels more firm, every time i think of you - i talk to you. but i don't know WHO you are yet. i am getting increasingly more excited to find out who i am actually talking to every day, who i am stroking via tummy rubs, and who i am thinking about every day. i know that you are my child and i love you so much. i know that you are the work of the amazing hand of our Lord and Savior; i also know that you are the fruit of the love that your daddy and i share. i know that you are a precious jewel who has been thought of, prayed for, and loved for years - before you even became a reality. but i do not know what to call you, i do not know what to think. it is a very surreal place to be and i seem to be more and more anxious to hold you. i am 17 weeks pregnant this week... this means we are almost halfway to the day we get to meet face to face. oh my love, i am so excited to meet you. for now, i wait eagerly to know if i'm talking to my little gentleman or my little lady.

we love you so much, sweetie. no matter if you're a he or a she, you will be loved and cherished all the days of your life. cannot wait to meet you... cannot wait to find out if you're a lass or a lad. such exciting times are ahead... hooray! i love you my little one. we are going to have so many fun adventures... just you wait!

love,
mommy.

p.s. to any friends and family reading this - make your bets now!

daddy's day!

hello my little one,

it's that time of year again! father's day! today is the day that we celebrate the father's in our lives and let them know how blessed we are to have them in our lives. your mommy is blessed to have 3 special men in her life to acknowledge. i was blessed with a hard working, loving, and protective daddy. your pop-pop is awesome and he loves you so much already. every day he asks "how's flipper?" yes, he calls you flipper because you're currently swimming around in my tummy. :) he is going to spoil you and love on you so much!
he is very famous among your cousins and he will "wrastle" with you and eat your ears... be prepared for an amazing amount of fun!

then their is your grandpa burt - he is funny, loving, and raised your daddy - which means he must be pretty outstanding! he loves to go surfing, he plays the bass guitar in a band, collects and sells plants (they're AWESOME, as he would put it), and he always has things to do, and he will always remind you that he's gots to go! it is going to be so fun to see him as a grandpa! i'm very excited to see that.

and last but not least - we have your daddy. daddy is a God fearing man who loves to learn, loves to play, loves to enjoy life, loves to read, and loves to discuss important and even the not so important things. he is funny, beautiful inside and out, intelligent, well versed in the Word of God and theology/doctrinal things that are so important. he will spend so much time talking with you, praying with you, reading with you, playing with you, and introducing you to new and exciting things. he will take you to church and help you understand all the important things that you'll need and love to know about. also, i hope you are prepared to laugh at silly things, play lots of games, and read lots of comic books. don't worry, we have so many comic books that you will know all about things from "back then." you and your daddy are going to have so much fun. i married an amazing man who has taught me many things, been there for me through the hardest and most trying times, has loved me at my best and my worst, and has just been the best friend i could have ever asked for. you're in for an amazing life with this man as your dad. i cannot wait to see him grow as a man as he parents you and becomes even more wonderful. God has granted him with a brain and heart of gold and i am so lucky to call him my husband. you are blessed to call him daddy.

so that is my love to the men in my life who will also be a part of your life. you are surrounded by awesome people who will love you and give you all sorts of different life experience and love. i cannot wait for you to arrive and meet everyone who loves you. talk to you again soon my dear. i love you.

love,
mommy.

13 weeks my sweet!

hello little one! you are now 13 weeks old inside my tummy. yesterday i was so blessed to have heard your heartbeat... all 160 beats per minute of it! a bunch of people are already guessing that you are a girl. i'm not quite sure, but regardless, you are so loved and everyone is so excited for your arrival. daddy and i pray for you every night, he holds you (as best he can, considering you're so little and on the inside), he kisses you, he tells you he loves you. he is excited to meet you. your pop pop and grandma johnson are so excited to meet you and call you flipper! grandma mo and grandpa burt (or whatever you feel like calling them!) love you and cannot wait to meet you! your aunties and uncles check in on you all the time and wonder how you're doing - as they are excited to see you and get to know you. you are so loved. you are so wanted.


i feel like i felt you moving today at around 11am this morning. i felt a quiver in my tummy on one side - a kind of shake. were you doing a dance? were you jumping up and down and getting used to those developing muscles and joints and all that amazing stuff? perhaps your heartbeat is so fast because you're dancing around or making music. i can't wait to feel you again, i can't wait to see your little feet and hands and body moving around and getting stronger and bigger over the next 6 months. only 6 months until i get to hold you and kiss you! soon i think you'll be hearing my voice, my heart, and others around. i cannot wait to sit and sing to you, both when you're still in my tummy and when i'm holding you in my arms. singing is mommy's most favorite thing to do and hopefully you will sing with me one day. or play the drums and guitar like daddy. oh whatever you do, you will be brilliant.

oh precious one. i love you so much! 6 months. see you in a little while...

love,
mommy.

9 weeks tomorrow little one...

hello precious one,

i love you so much i could just bust! tomorrow marks 9 weeks in my tummy sweet one and i am so blessed to have you. you're an amazing little person - even at the size of an olive! i think daily about what to do when you come, if i'm going to be a good mom, if i'm going to have enough energy or even the creativity to be the mom that you deserve. i want to provide a life that will allow you to be remarkable. i want to show you the truth of God's love, of His grace, of His provision. i want to show you the world; a world that is both big and small all at the same time. i want to show you where your mommy grew up, where your daddy grew up, the ocean, and the mountains. i want to take you on plane rides, train rides, bike rides, and more. i cannot wait to experience life with you.

daddy and i pray over and for you every night before i go to sleep. we pray that you will grow to be big and strong, that you will stay safe inside my tummy, and that you will be healthy. we really want the best for you and ask that God will make us good parents, that He will grant us mercy, grace, humility, and the wisdom to do what is right. God has already changed our lives by bringing you to us - we are so excited to see things change even more. i am a bit terrified, in the best most excited sense ever! there are so many things that i am thinking about:


natural birth
breastfeeding
where to live
what the future holds
nurseries
diapers
beds
car seats

i do know one thing though... you are loved by so many people it is amazing. when daddy and i made the announcement that you have finally entered our lives, heaps of people showed their excitement, love, and support! you are so loved and that makes my heart overflow with joy. mommy and daddy love you.

love,
mommy.

so far so good...

hello baby tadpole,

yes, i realize that i'm calling you a tadpole. i realize that i am insinuating that you are not yet a full-fledged frog. i apologize in advance, but you're going to have a lot of nicknames throughout this pregnancy. while you're in my tummy and until i find out if you're a boy or a girl - you will have nicknames like baby tadpole, baby turtle, baby blueberry, etc. i can't help it.

so far it seems that things are going fine with you in my tummy. the concerns that i was having a few days ago are still there, however, my body is acting normal and not sketchy - so hopefully, that is good news. i get some blood work done tomorrow and sometime next week, we potentially get to see your little body and hear/see your heartbeat! we are so very excited. your auntie joni and auntie neva are so excited to meet you too. i cannot wait for them to spend time with you and love on you. daddy and i pray for you every night. we pray that you will grow big and strong, that you will come into the world when its the right time for you, and that you will just bless this big world that you're coming in to.

i must apologize - i cannot protect you all the time. even now, you're in my tummy and i can only do the best i can, however, there is so much out of my control. i would do anything i could to protect you, i would die for you if i had too. and really - aside from rest, eating enough food, and not going crazy (and the obvious stuff like not drink/smoke/drugs,etc), i cannot do much else to protect you and make sure that you are well. and i am realizing that when you come into the world, i will protect you as much as i can, but the world is big and it is ugly. it is full of disappointment and pain. and until you are old enough to embark on this big world on your own, i will do whatever i can to help you through this life.

however, don't let me scare you. this world, as big and scary as it is, it is also a pretty neat place to live. granted, i have nothing to compare it to, considering i have not lived on any other planet! teehee! as a fellow citizen of the world, we have opportunities and chances to do great things with our lives. we have a God who is incredible and has made us in His image! we are blessed by people who love us, friends who care, and the ability to change the world, no matter how small it may be. so there is a lot to look forward too! i am so excited to show you all that your father and i can show you. we love you so much, sweetie. please keep growing. please be safe. stay put! i love you.

love,
mommy.

written 4.9.13

nerves and fear...

hello my sweetie,

today i woke with a start. i started to have some symptoms of possible complications that you may not stay with us. after speaking with the midwife and a few friends, i will be going in to hopefully see your little heartbeat on a sonogram and be checked over thoroughly. please stay with us my love. your daddy and i shed some tears today and have been praying. we also have several others praying that you stay safe and sound in this tummy of mine. please stay safe and sound... we love you so much and want to hold you and watch you grow into the amazing person we know you will be. we want to kiss you and hug you and snuggle with you. we cherish EVERY moment we have with you, even if you are going to be with Jesus right now, but i pray and plead - please stay with us. you are so loved by so many. you are so wanted and cared for, already by so many people. we eagerly wait for your arrival, please stick around. we love you!!!

God please be merciful and grant us our desire to have this child stay with us. we love this little one so much and want to cherish and experience the wonders of child birth and parenting. please, God if it is your will, please let our sweetie stay put and grow big and strong. we know that you work all things together for your glory and for the good of those who love you. we love you, God. please take our doubting hearts, our wicked hearts and give us faith to hold fast to your promises and stand firm in the grace and mercy that you have shown us thus far and will continue to show us every day of our lives. amen.

well - i can't wait to meet you one day. i love you so much. please stay put...

love,
mommy.

written 4.7.13

are you there?

hello sweetie,

so apparently, you have decided to appear! i am beyond ecstatic and so is your daddy! the story goes like this...

on april 1st, (otherwise known as april fool's day - a.k.a. - a day where LOTS of people play tricks on each other to be funny. it's actually not funny for the most part...) i was talking with our precious friend neva about the idea of getting some tests done at the doctor's office to figure out how to prepare my tummy for your arrival. so before making the appointment with the doctor, i decided to make sure you weren't in my tummy. well... the test gave me a big fat positive, a yes, a YOU'RE PREGNANT! i took another test, called our amazing mama-joni and freaked out, and then another test. then i took a blood test, and then another test... and from the lips of my doctor... "your test came back positive." it took me a whole day to really believe what everyone around me was saying. it took me a long time to breathe a sigh of relief after having pent up my emotions and excitement and thoughts for so long. you have arrived in my tummy, sweet one! or maybe even sweet oneS!!!

my emotions have been so crazy. i have been shaking, i have been squealing, i have been smiling from ear to ear. yet, interestingly enough, the only two time i cried was when i called daddy to tell him that i thought that you have showed up in my tummy. i have teared up plenty, but the only time i broke down in fearful excitement was when i heard your daddy's voice and told him... "i think i'm pregnant." the emotions are so deep and real that i cannot even express them appropriately.

i am already so in love with you. i already have thoughts in my mind to protect you with my life. i already want to make sure that i treat you well while you're on the inside and to treat you well when you're on the outside. i am so blessed by your presence. i am so blessed by the amazing life you already are. i am so enamored that you are so small, yet such an amazing and huge part of my life. a day hasn't gone by that i have not dreamed and thought of you... now that you're growing and developing, i think of you even more! 

your daddy and i are so happy.

all the people i have told you about in previous posts, are already screaming with excitement to meet you! we are all praying for your to be strong and healthy, to grow and be happy, to be a blessing and to grow in love with our Lord.

i am overwhelmed. i am excited. i am in love. your daddy and i have already bought you your first article of clothing! you and daddy have matching hats! grandma and grandpa johnson are so happy! your uncles and aunts on the johnson side are all so excited. your cousins on the johnson side are all so excited. your grandma and grandpa newman are excited. your aunt and uncles on the newman side are excited. your cousins... basically - you have a very large family who are incredibly excited to meet you and be apart of your life and you be apart of theirs. auntie joni, auntie wubs, and auntie neva are SO excited to meet you.

i love you more than words can express. please stay safe. please grow and be healthy. we eagerly await your arrival, with open arms and a heart full of love and joy. 

love,

mommy.

Soli Deo Gloria! God is so good. i cannot thank our Creator anymore than i am right now... Hallelujah! 04.03.13

i promise...

hello my sweets,

it is the last day of winter; a new season is about to start and my arms are still empty and longing to hold you close. i think i say this every time and it remains the truth to this day -  not a day goes by that i am not wishing to hold you, praying to feel your skin against mine, to hear your cry and your laughter make music in my ears, and the joy and growth that your very existence will bring to your daddy's and my life. we love you and pray for you every night. we pray that God will put you inside my womb, that you will come into our life and bless us, that God will grant us a life to cherish and to hold and to teach. hearing your daddy pray for you to come into our life is an amazing thing and warms my heart every night. we love you so much and will love you every day of our lives, no matter what. we so want you to be a part of our family.

no matter when you come, no matter where you come from - we love you. as we embark upon another season, i pray that this will be the season that you enter our life. perhaps you will come into our family when life is budding among the lilies, trees, and birds; while the streams are babbling and the wind is cool yet warm, when the rain ends and the air smells sweet, and when warmer air begins to burst forth. i long to hold you, my sweets. you are the love of our hearts, you are a gift from God, and you are most loved. it is so true;  i love you.

love,
mommy.

longing to hold you.

oh precious and amazing human being,

oh how much i am yearning to hold you in my arms. another few months have passed, and while i have not written in a while - it is not because i have not been thinking of you. i think about you every day. every day i look into the eyes of my nephews, every time i see pictures of babies on facebook, every time i see pregnancy test commercials on television, and every time i hear another birth announcement. the list goes on and on, hopefully you get the picture - i think of you everyday. i know i've mentioned it before, but i cannot believe how absolutely LOVED you are! not just by your silly barren mother, but by your daddy, your uncles and aunts, grandmas and grandpas, cousins, and your mommy and daddy's friends. how can someone who has not even been created yet be so loved? God is truly amazing. God is truly a wonderful God who has given you so much love!

lately i have been trying to get my body in the best shape that i can to welcome you into my tummy. hopefully i am doing a good job. i've lost a lot of weight! the doctors say that is a big part of becoming able to have a baby, so i'm doing what i can. when you meet me, i have no idea if i will be skinny, fat, or if i will be average. so one day, i hope to show you pictures from before you were welcomed into this world - pictures of how silly your mommy and daddy were. pictures of some of the ruckus we have caused and the silliness we have gotten into. please know, that as much as we love you, your daddy and i love each other just as much. we love each other so much and try our best to do the best we can for each other. sometimes life gets in the way and we don't get to share love to one another as best as we should and want to, but you can trust that no matter what, we love each other and are committed to each other until death do us part. i love your daddy. he is a handsome and amazing man.

i recently dyed my hair red! i think i may keep it this color for a while. we'll see what happens. :) what else... i'm going to school still, trying to become a little more educated and able to provide for you when you come. 

please don't be shy little one. we are so ready for you, so excited to hold you in our arms, wanting to kiss and hug you. we love you. i love you, so very much. i will write again soon. thinking of you. longing to hold you and cradle you in my arms, against my breast, in my safe embrace. i love you.

love,

mommy