life as a mom is busy...

dearest loves,

a life as a mom is so busy. it's full of washing clothes, doing dishes, tending a house, going to work, folding clothes, packing bags, making meals, cleaning up toys, giving medicine and baths, and folding diapers. it is also full of kissing boo-boos, wiping tears away, giving time-outs, kissing foreheads, dancing silly, laughing till i cry, being a tickle monster, playing at the park, snuggling, sharing snacks, jumping, running, chasing, and singing. it's a big job. it's a difficult job. it's the best job. it's a job i wanted and longed for, for so long. a job that felt so far away; a job that felt as if i was just too ill-equipped to hold. then just like that, within just a couple years, God blessed me and entrusted me with two beautiful souls who have become so much a part of me that i can't remember what life was like without them. those two little ones are you, buel and amiette. and i will feel this way if God blesses us with anymore little feet and hands to add to our mix. God has been so good to us and deserves all honor, praise, and glory. i should know better that God knew the perfect hour and minute to bring each of you into the world. i am so thankful.

buel: my little bundle of energy. you are so incredible. each day you say more words. you do more things. you grow just a little more. you are an amazing big brother and i'm so glad that you love your sister. it took a little bit to adjust, but you've really embraced the job and you are really good at it. thank you for loving and caring for your sister the best way you know how, at the age of 2! your hair was trimmed recently but its still shaggy and curly. you simply have the best hair around! your smile is contagious and you have different laughs for different things. you have a silly laugh for when you're being silly, you have a belly laugh for when something is really funny or you're being tickled, and you have a machine gun laugh for when you're punchy and tired. you run around, jump, dance, sing, and play with your friends brayden and lahna. you love to play with your cousins carter and evan and they love to play with you, even though they are much older. your favorite show is still paw patrol. however, you love to watch daniel tiger, little einsteins, and dinosaur train as well. you frequently wake up in the morning and start singing... "gonna riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide the dinosaur train!" it's so cute. you eat a lot. you drink a lot of water. you play a lot. you laugh a lot. you smile a lot. and you sleep like a champ! all-in-all, you're amazing. i love you!

amiette river: i'm terrible and have not wrote out your birth story or even announced your arrival here on my blog. bad mommy. but i have even less time to sit and write out my letters that are always on my heart, because i'm busy corralling your brother, nursing, holding, snuggling, and loving you. you are amazing. you were born on december 10, 2015 at 9:41am. you weighed 7lbs 8.2 oz and were 20.5 inches long. when they laid you on my chest, the first words i spoke to you were i love you and then immediately i sang to you, "Jesus loves me." i hope you always know that Jesus loves you! we spent a few days in the hospital together, mostly just you and me as daddy and your grandma - "tu-tu" mo took care of your brother at home. when you came home, life never slowed down. we got to know each other very well and very quickly. you slept on my chest the first few weeks of your life because that's all you wanted. honestly, it's all i wanted too. your first holiday was christmas and then new years. everyone in the family instantly fell in love with you, almost as fast as mommy and daddy did!

you and i took a sad, yet beneficial and much needed trip to california when you were 6 weeks old to bring some love, light, and joy to tu-tu's heart and the rest of our extended families. your sweet great aunt kelly passed away before she got the chance to meet you. but she loved you so much, even from a great distance. she was proud of you and loved you! after our time in california we came home and basically hit the ground running. mommy had to jump back into work and so that means going, going, going, and going. you are such a trooper. you and your brother. you get worn a lot on my chest with our ring sling. THANK GOD FOR BABYWEARING! i don't know how i'd function without being able to wear you. oh amiette, there is just so much i'd love to write and say... but it will have to wait. you're currently down with your first fever and cold. i keep hearing you cough and it breaks my heart. Lord please protect my babes from the sinus and lung problems i've had my entire life.

today you turned 3 months old. your eyes have not picked a color yet, your hair is dark brown, you are a peanut wearing 3 month clothes but can still fit into some 0-3 months. you smile and talk a lot. we don't get a lot of floor time because i'm afraid of your brother stepping on you, but you have really good head control and strength. you sleep through the night, all on your own doing! THANK YOU and thank you, Jesus! you take meds for reflux. you wake up smiling. you sleep loudly and wake-up just as loudly. you nurse every 2-3 hours during waking hours. you're just an incredible little person who i love most ardently. thank you for coming into our lives. you are such a blessing.

so buel and amiette, thank you. thank you for being you. thank you for joining us and helping to make this ride of life more interesting and sweet. the next upcoming months are going to be interesting as we have a big move, big changes of scenery and living quarters, and hopefully more family time. i hope to write more sooner rather than later. but until then, always know that i hold you in my heart. always.

love you,
mommy.

5 months on the dot.

hello my sweet loves. 

I had hoped it would not take me so long to write again but life decided to get very busy very quickly. Last I said was that you, Buel, were going to be a big brother. Well that is still true and it could become a reality to you any day now. Our family is about to grow by one little girl! Her name will be Amiette River. We know you'll be so great at loving her. It will take some getting used too, but we will always love you the same amount that we have each day of your life. And that means more and more each day! You are our miracle baby who opened our eyes to the beauty of family and parenthood. So get ready, our house is about to get even more full of love. Love for you and your sister. Mommy can scarcely believe that it will be possible for her heart to grow with love anymore than it has right now. But it's an exciting venture!

Buddy Buel, you turn 2 in a matter of 4 days! Oh my goodness. You're such a big boy. You've got a new car seat that is for big kids! You're tall and fit in 2t/3t clothes, yet you're still skinny around the waist. I hope you can keep that trend and not struggle with weight issues like mommy and daddy. You have the most gorgeous curls in your hair that make you look so dapper and handsome. Everyone who sees you, comments on how precious your hair is and agrees I shouldn't cut it just yet. I'm not ready too... Last time we did I had quite a meltdown! Silly me. 

You laugh and play, you say lots of words and we are slowly working on potty training. You go to the potty every night before bed! You sleep through the night and take one nap a day. You love to run and play with your cousins and your friend Brayden every day. You also love your downtime. We watch a few shows but your favorite is Paw Patrol! You call it "ca-trol" and love that they are dogs who drive trucks to help people. On top of that, you love Chewbacca and Star Wars! We dressed you up as Chewie for Halloween and you were the best chewie ever. You also went for your first real night of trick or treating with Carter and Evan. It was so much fun and you did such a great job at saying thank you, trick or treat, and giving your best chewie impression! We were so impressed. Your cousin Evan was very sweet in helping to make sure you got all the candy you could get and that you weren't left out. Those two boys love you so much! You really are lived so much and it's such a blessing to me. To know that while we may lack in being able to provide you with all the things we know you'd love to have and such, you will never ever lack in the department of love. And that is perfect. And soon we get to see you grow into a bigger boy who not only is loved and but shows his love. You're becoming empathetic and learning when you've made someone sad (sometimes). We love who you are and can't wait to see how you grow!

Amiette River... My little girl. We are so excited to meet you. Currently all we know about you is that your base heartrate most of the time is in the high 130s, you have nice chubby cheeks, and apparently hair! You supposedly weigh around 6lbs 8oz and you're growing at a perfect pace. We cannot believe that we get to meet you so soon. Oh sweet love. You have an amazing team that is ready to welcome you earth side and I cannot wait for you to meet them. I envision you Abe brown hair and blue eyes. That you have curls and will have long eye lashes. We will see what happens! Daddy, Buel and I hope that your birth is soon and is uneventful in a good way. We are so in love with you already and are eager to meet you. 

I wonder what mischief you and your brother will get into... Oh boy. It's going to be fabulous! And exhausting for me and daddy. But that's okay with us!

Until next time... We love you so much. I hope to update this again on buel's birthday. 

Love you,

Mommy. 

5 months and so much has changed...

hello sweetie(s),

yes.  i wrote sweeties, as in the plural form of sweetie. i'll get to that in a second.

wow - it has been 5 months since i last wrote. i have thought about doing so several times, however, you have kept me exceedingly busy. so much has happened, i don't even know where to start. you are nearly 19 months now and you're huge! you're 33.25 inches tall, you're 25.6 pounds, you wear a size 4/4.5 shoe, and are in 2t clothes. you are such a big boy, my sweet loving buel. you make me so proud. you're saying lots of words these days, you love to run into my arms and give me the most delicious hugs and kisses. you love to play with and tickle daddy's tummy. you love monster truck and puttis. you dance to all music and you love to play and rough house with your cousins, carter and evan.oh and you also love to see your uncle d when he comes home from work and says "buuuuuuuuuel!" you call him d and you always run to see him and play with him. you're good buds.  oh, and you're still into everything!

honestly, i don't know how i make it through the day with you or myself in one piece. you are exploring everything and climbing onto all the things. its funny and frustrating all at the same time. you like to make it difficult for me to keep you safe and out of things you're not supposed to be into. but, in reality, this is your job and it is my job to teach and to protect. so far i'm doing the best that i can. that being said, you did receive your first significant wound a few months back. while driving home from evan's preschool, you decided that putting your foot in his face would be funny. well, evan did not find it so funny and pushed your leg to move it. unfortunately, he pushed it so hard that your poor little leg broke! yes. broke. you had your first broken bone. so we went to the doctors and you got a few x-rays and they decided to put you in a large cast, all the way past your knee! you had to wear that cast for 6 weeks! it didn't really slow you down, as you didn't seem to mind it very much. but it was sure a difficult 6 weeks for your mommy.

i am pleased to say that i had a moment of tears when i realized something was very wrong with your leg (before we saw the doctor). after literally 30 seconds of tears, i pulled it together and was strong and dealt with it all the best i could and as fast as i could. i am so glad that God gave me the stamina and the assertiveness to get you checked by specialists and by people who would truly help you. my sweet boy. it was so sad to see you dragging and hobbling around in a bright orange thigh high cast, but you rocked it and we managed. God was gracious and kept my spirits up, even though some times i was completely exhausted from carrying you everywhere and the emotional side of it was tough too. God has also been incredibly gracious in giving you the most wonderful spirit. you are so bright and easy going. you go with the flow and for the most part, don't give us too much of a fight.

however, there are definitely moments where you give us a run for our money! you are a one tracked little boy. you go and you go and you go and you go. you play hard and you hate to be stopped from playing or going where you want to go. when we say playtime is over, you definitely let us know that you're not excited about that. thankfully, it does not take too much to get you distracted and into something else after some coaxing. if we could, you would walk and run around outside all day, everyday. and for the most part, we do. we are usually outside for a few hours in the morning and then the rest of the day after naps. sometimes we even go out after we get home from work.

the weekends are your time to catch up on lost time with your daddy. he loves to take you out on walks in your push car and to take you to the park. its always a good time. you always come in hot and ready for some water and something to eat. i'm glad you and your daddy play so well and have so much fun. i'm blessed that i get to play with you every day all day at work. but soon life will be changing for all of us and we will have to get used to a new normal.

remember how i wrote "hello sweetie(s)" at the beginning of this letter? well, you see, you're going to be a big brother, buel. we are not sure if you will have a brother or a sister, but you are going to have a sibling in the next 5-6 months! mommy has a baby in her tummy and we are so thrilled to embark on a new life as a family of 4. it was quite a shock to me and i am still getting used to the idea that we will soon have 2 little youngin's running around. but i am excited.

you will soon be able to feel the baby moving around by just touching mommy's tummy! you'll also be able to see the baby moving around in my tummy too. it's quite a bizarre thing but i hope you enjoy it. you're still a bit young so you may not totally understand, but you will and i know you're going to be a great big brother. we don't want you to think that just because there is a new baby coming, that we don't love you as much or that we will forget about you. on the contrary. our love has grown for you and multiplying into love for your new friend and sibling that will be joining our family soon. and you get to be a big help to mommy and daddy in teaching this new one how things work around here! you're going to be awesome.

once we know if its a boy or girl, we will definitely let you know. until then, thank you for being so lovely. and thank you Lord, for giving us the most amazing little boy and thank you again for surprising us with another child to care for. we are completely unworthy but eternally grateful.

until my next letter,  sweet ones. (i do hope that it won't be another 5 months!) - always know that you are precious and i hold you in my heart. you are dear to me and daddy. we love you. i love you.

love,
mommy

so much has happened!

hello sweetie,

wow! so much has happened since i last wrote. i don't even know where to begin. i guess i mentioned that we were heading to california to visit with family. well, we did just that. you had your very first airplane ride and that could not have gone any better. you made friends with people on the plane, you slept, you only cried a few times, and a few people even commended us on how well-behaved you were. so hooray Jesus for giving us grace and comfort on the plane and hooray you for doing such a great job! while in california you got to meet so many amazing people. you got to hug, play, and share life with people who love and cherish you. a few highlights: you finally got the chance to meet your grandpa walker and your namesake -  grandpa buel newman II.

grandpa walker & buel.

the surviving buels - II, III, IV, V.

they truly enjoyed getting to meet you and seeing your sweet face. you also got to meet your grandpa (namesake once again) and your uncle steven for the first time as well! you and your grandpa became very close friends. you grabbed him by the fingers and walked all over the house! you even tugged and pulled on his beard. OUCH!

buels III and V.

uncle steven loves his babby nephew.

our trip was crammed full of visits where you got the opportunity to meet so many people. so many in fact that it would take forever to post pictures of each and such. so just know that you met very important and lovely people and they were all so happy to see you. we had a small little get together for your birthday and you smashed your cupcake and thoroughly enjoyed the delectable yellow cake and chocolate icing! daddy and mommy, and your entire family for that matter, could not have enjoyed that moment more. we are so proud of you.

oh! you also got to visit the ocean for the very first time. you were not quite sure how to feel about the waves. however, you were definitely all about the sand!

when we got back from california,we celebrated your first birthday!!!! oh my goodness. on the 11th of November you turned ONE! it was such a bittersweet moment for me. you are and will forever be my little baby, but something about remembering the day you were born and reminiscing over the past year got to me. i was a ball of tears for most of the day. i am the most blessed mommy to ever grace God's green earth. you are a light in this dark world and i pray and hope that your life continues to bless others. it is my prayer that one day you will use your light to glorify God and bring honor to His name.

we had a birthday party for you here in maryland. you were not so interested in cake this time. but really, that's okay. i think you were just full. you had been munching on food and were tired by the time cake was ready. but you still smashed it, you just didn't eat it.

somewhere in there we celebrated both thanksgiving and christmas, we celebrated my birthday, and somewhere in there - we celebrated the fact that you have 8 teeth, you like to say "leego leego" a lot, and you walk! yes! you walk! i am sorry that i did not write down the exact day that you took your first step. it is so difficult to keep every first in order! however, you started to officially walk a few days after christmas. oh, speaking of christmas - we had such a sad one. your uncle matt came to visit! thankfully you got to meet him and spend some time with him.

uncle matt reading stories.

unfortunately, we all got super sick and didn't get to spend more time with him. and we missed out on the christmas festivities with the family. hopefully, we will have a better experience next year. we will see i suppose. i think daddy wants to visit california for christmas next year. we will see. we have lots of things that we are trying to plan and do... but that's another story for another time.

let's see, what else... you are 23 pounds, 31 inches tall and amazing. you are into EVERYTHING. let me repeat myself... you. are. into. everything! and while i love that you are walking everywhere, that you love to climb and be your excited and happy-self, it gets pretty tiresome repeating myself and removing you from situations all day and every day. but thankfully, these are all normal and great things for you to be doing because you are growing and developing and doing amazing. you have an inquisitive mind, you love to know whats going on and you are always ready to check things out. so that really is all i can ask for.

we are so incredibly proud of you. whenever given the chance to show you off and to talk about you, we take it. you are our beautiful little boy who we love and cherish more than we do this life. God knew exactly what we needed and when and He gave us you. thank you for being a huge blessing and part of our lives. it is near impossible for us to even remember life without you! we love you. i love you.

love,
mommy.

oh i'm slacking... or maybe you keep me too busy!

hello sweetie.

oh i am sorry for never writing your proper 9 month update blog. i have a great excuse... you never stop moving! yes, so because of the fact that you never stop moving, i don't have the mental capacity to write out all the amazing things you've done and have been doing. but today, daddy is at a meeting and i have finally pushed myself to write this out. so here i am. hi!

i love you!

you are 11 months old! holy cow. you're nearly a year old. just a few weeks and we will be celebrating your birth, reminiscing on the joys that God gave us by giving us you. i will not even try to cover up how much my heart is breaking that you are not so little anymore. this year went way too fast. i honestly can't keep up with everything and yet, you keep growing and i keep learning. i keep growing and you keep learning. your daddy does the same. what a miraculous life it is that we've been given. what a brilliant God we serve. 

at 11 months you do the following:

- crawl! CRAWL! CRAWL! yes, you crawl all over creation. i cannot get you to sit still unless giving you a bite of something or enticing you with an extra cool toy. notice that i stress the words 'extra cool'. an ordinary toy will not get you to sit still long enough.

- you say daddy, baba, dada, lala, and ma. can you do me a solid and start calling me mama! it would do my heart so well.

- you pull yourself to standing and couch surf all over. you do not need help standing; however, you think that you do. you're growing in your confidence. once you amp that up a bit, you will be walking and running! then i'll really be in trouble.

- you eat EVERYTHING! pancakes, chicken, meatloaf, eggs, cheese, yogurt, spaghetti, lasagna, broccoli, spinach, beans, avocado, rice, etc. oddly enough, the only thing you do not like is sweet potatoes! i am pretty surprised because most kids love them. oh well, maybe one day you will. 

- you have 5 teeth (the 5th one will be through any day so i'm counting it). your smile is ridiculously precious and it makes my heart smile with such delight.

- you sleep through the night. THANK YOU!

- you dance and prefer certain songs.

- you sing in the car.

- you sleep with the blanket that was your mommy's when she was little and with the gorilla your tu-tu/grandma mo sent you. 

- you walk when holding onto my fingers

- you play games with daddy.

- you love your cousins!

as you can see... you're growing and developing amazingly. i cannot wait to see what you learn next! 

now for the not so great things... when you were 10 months, we had a few yucky times. first you got a crazy diaper rash that lasted for over a week. you were miserable and myself and daddy were so sad! thankfully, we got it under control. PHEW! then a few days after that, you got your first fever and cold, which turned into a sinus infection. i apologize for cursing you with sinus infections. hopefully, that will be the last one for a while and it does not turn into a persistent thing. you had to take antibiotics to finally take control of the yuck that was in your face. then you were back to your old self. hooray! 

or so i thought. 

this past week, a few days shy of your 11 month birthday, you decided you wanted to have a nursing strike. yes, for nearly 4 days, you did not want to nurse from me. you would drink mama-milk from a cup or a bottle. you would eat regular food. but you would scream and cry if i tried to put you to the breast. this was absolutely devastating to me. i cried. i became a very ugly person and was definitely feeling some pretty terrible feelings. i am sorry for being so heinous. it was a dark time in my life and i learned a lot from it... and i still don't know why you chose to stop nursing. but just as fast as you stopped nursing, you started back up again. and i cried tears of joy. nursing you is such a special bond that we share. it's ours and i relish all the time i get to snuggle you close, feel your breath on me, and just soak you in. it is such a nice break in the day when i get to nurse you. i love it. i love you! so thank you for going back to the breast. i'm so glad our nursing relationship isn't over yet. i really wasn't quite ready and i didn't know if you were or not. thankfully, you're not done either.

that leads up to today. you're 11 months and 3 days old. we are gearing up to go on our trip to california in a few weeks. we will celebrate your birthday there with the family you get to meet out there. then we will celebrate your birthday just with mommy and daddy. then we will celebrate your birthday with all your friends and family after thanksgiving! its going to be a full and awesome month. we love you so much and are so excited to watch you grow. 

i guess that's all i've got for now. this letter has already gotten way too long. i love you more than life itself. you're the best gift that God ever gave to me; after the gift of salvation and after the gift of your daddy. but you'll learn why i say that when you're older. until next time - when you've turned one! i love you.

love,

mommy.

messes galore!

hello sweetie.

this will be a brief note today, as in 8 days you will turn 9 months old and i'll write a proper updated letter to you. but today i was taken back by something that i thought was important for me to share! as of your 6 month "birthday", you have been eating solid foods. you're doing great. we're off of purees and onto soft bites of whatever it is i'm eating or of something that i've made for you. you love your veggies. that to me is a blessing and i am so glad! this week you tried spaghetti, cauliflower, noodles, and carrots. you liked it all. you really are a great eater! now, along with great eating comes great messes! in all fairness, you are quite a delicate eater and you do not smash your food all over the place. at least not yet. i'm sure one day you probably will, but as for now, you love to eat and if the food does not enter your mouth fast enough, you let us know! but again, while you're a neat eater; messes are still made. you miss your mouth here, you squeeze too hard on a soft carrot there, you drop a piece of broccoli out of your mouth, and that's the mess i'm referring too.

i love watching you eat. i love to see you enjoy your food, knowing that you will be satisfied and receive all sorts of good vitamins and nutrition to help you grow. i even love it when the mess is made. this evening after i had put you to bed, i went to clean up a bit in the kitchen and was cleaning your chair. there was bits of puff, carrots, cauliflower, and broccoli stuck to the seat and on the tray. my very first instinct was not to get upset at the mess, was not to get exasperated with more work to do, and it surely wasn't to become annoyed that there was wasted food. no, my first instinct was one of joy. joy that you were enjoying your food. joy that i have a little boy who sits nicely, eats, and makes messes. joy that i have a son and that i am a mother. joy that my role as a woman and wife

is not just to clean up my home for myself and husband, but after the fruit of our love. for our little boy. it is a joy to clean up after you. i know there will be days where i do get annoyed and/or exasperated. i pray that on those days, God will give me special grace to be grateful for my blessings. i never want to lose sight of the fact that we wanted you and prayed so diligently and hard for you to enter our lives. with those memories and that insight, messes around the house seem so silly to get too upset over. i am so thankful to have you in my life, little bubs. you're my most favoritest little guy in this entire world. we love you and are so proud of you!

love,
mommy.

8 months of love.

hello sweetie,

you are officially 8 months old. we have so much fun together and i cannot believe how fast this time is going. can you please slow down? you do all sorts of fun things and eat a lot of foods. you are growing into such a neat little person and your personality is truly starting to come out.

at 8 months you:
eat solid foods - your favorites are broccoli, refried beans, rice, mum-mums, applesauce, and spinach.
drink water from your straw cup.
have 2 teeth and more on the way. (this is exciting and also a little bit sad for your mommy. your smile is forever changed, no more gummy/toothless grins from you. from this day on, you'll have teeth in your mouth and in all your pictures.)
dance when music comes on.
army "crawl", get up on your knees to try and crawl, crawl backwards, and sit-up without assistance.
said 'MA" twice! come on lovebug... say MAMA!!!!!
hang out in your jumper.
play drums on your high chair.
sleep through the night.
sleep in your pack n'play during nap times.
truly enjoy your time with your family and friends.
talk a lot.
smile from ear to ear.
belly laugh more frequently.
bring so much joy to everyone you meet.

my love, you are a remarkable young man and we are so grateful to have you be in our lives. God put you right where you belonged, we couldn't have asked for a more amazing little boy. i can't wait to see what other fun shenanigans we get into over the next several months. i cannot believe that you're going to be a year old in just a little over 3 months... this is absolutely crazy! but so fun. your daddy and i love you so much. keep growing, keep learning, and keep smiling. i love you so very much.

love,
mommy.