so far so good...

hello baby tadpole,

yes, i realize that i'm calling you a tadpole. i realize that i am insinuating that you are not yet a full-fledged frog. i apologize in advance, but you're going to have a lot of nicknames throughout this pregnancy. while you're in my tummy and until i find out if you're a boy or a girl - you will have nicknames like baby tadpole, baby turtle, baby blueberry, etc. i can't help it.

so far it seems that things are going fine with you in my tummy. the concerns that i was having a few days ago are still there, however, my body is acting normal and not sketchy - so hopefully, that is good news. i get some blood work done tomorrow and sometime next week, we potentially get to see your little body and hear/see your heartbeat! we are so very excited. your auntie joni and auntie neva are so excited to meet you too. i cannot wait for them to spend time with you and love on you. daddy and i pray for you every night. we pray that you will grow big and strong, that you will come into the world when its the right time for you, and that you will just bless this big world that you're coming in to.

i must apologize - i cannot protect you all the time. even now, you're in my tummy and i can only do the best i can, however, there is so much out of my control. i would do anything i could to protect you, i would die for you if i had too. and really - aside from rest, eating enough food, and not going crazy (and the obvious stuff like not drink/smoke/drugs,etc), i cannot do much else to protect you and make sure that you are well. and i am realizing that when you come into the world, i will protect you as much as i can, but the world is big and it is ugly. it is full of disappointment and pain. and until you are old enough to embark on this big world on your own, i will do whatever i can to help you through this life.

however, don't let me scare you. this world, as big and scary as it is, it is also a pretty neat place to live. granted, i have nothing to compare it to, considering i have not lived on any other planet! teehee! as a fellow citizen of the world, we have opportunities and chances to do great things with our lives. we have a God who is incredible and has made us in His image! we are blessed by people who love us, friends who care, and the ability to change the world, no matter how small it may be. so there is a lot to look forward too! i am so excited to show you all that your father and i can show you. we love you so much, sweetie. please keep growing. please be safe. stay put! i love you.

love,
mommy.

written 4.9.13

nerves and fear...

hello my sweetie,

today i woke with a start. i started to have some symptoms of possible complications that you may not stay with us. after speaking with the midwife and a few friends, i will be going in to hopefully see your little heartbeat on a sonogram and be checked over thoroughly. please stay with us my love. your daddy and i shed some tears today and have been praying. we also have several others praying that you stay safe and sound in this tummy of mine. please stay safe and sound... we love you so much and want to hold you and watch you grow into the amazing person we know you will be. we want to kiss you and hug you and snuggle with you. we cherish EVERY moment we have with you, even if you are going to be with Jesus right now, but i pray and plead - please stay with us. you are so loved by so many. you are so wanted and cared for, already by so many people. we eagerly wait for your arrival, please stick around. we love you!!!

God please be merciful and grant us our desire to have this child stay with us. we love this little one so much and want to cherish and experience the wonders of child birth and parenting. please, God if it is your will, please let our sweetie stay put and grow big and strong. we know that you work all things together for your glory and for the good of those who love you. we love you, God. please take our doubting hearts, our wicked hearts and give us faith to hold fast to your promises and stand firm in the grace and mercy that you have shown us thus far and will continue to show us every day of our lives. amen.

well - i can't wait to meet you one day. i love you so much. please stay put...

love,
mommy.

written 4.7.13

are you there?

hello sweetie,

so apparently, you have decided to appear! i am beyond ecstatic and so is your daddy! the story goes like this...

on april 1st, (otherwise known as april fool's day - a.k.a. - a day where LOTS of people play tricks on each other to be funny. it's actually not funny for the most part...) i was talking with our precious friend neva about the idea of getting some tests done at the doctor's office to figure out how to prepare my tummy for your arrival. so before making the appointment with the doctor, i decided to make sure you weren't in my tummy. well... the test gave me a big fat positive, a yes, a YOU'RE PREGNANT! i took another test, called our amazing mama-joni and freaked out, and then another test. then i took a blood test, and then another test... and from the lips of my doctor... "your test came back positive." it took me a whole day to really believe what everyone around me was saying. it took me a long time to breathe a sigh of relief after having pent up my emotions and excitement and thoughts for so long. you have arrived in my tummy, sweet one! or maybe even sweet oneS!!!

my emotions have been so crazy. i have been shaking, i have been squealing, i have been smiling from ear to ear. yet, interestingly enough, the only two time i cried was when i called daddy to tell him that i thought that you have showed up in my tummy. i have teared up plenty, but the only time i broke down in fearful excitement was when i heard your daddy's voice and told him... "i think i'm pregnant." the emotions are so deep and real that i cannot even express them appropriately.

i am already so in love with you. i already have thoughts in my mind to protect you with my life. i already want to make sure that i treat you well while you're on the inside and to treat you well when you're on the outside. i am so blessed by your presence. i am so blessed by the amazing life you already are. i am so enamored that you are so small, yet such an amazing and huge part of my life. a day hasn't gone by that i have not dreamed and thought of you... now that you're growing and developing, i think of you even more! 

your daddy and i are so happy.

all the people i have told you about in previous posts, are already screaming with excitement to meet you! we are all praying for your to be strong and healthy, to grow and be happy, to be a blessing and to grow in love with our Lord.

i am overwhelmed. i am excited. i am in love. your daddy and i have already bought you your first article of clothing! you and daddy have matching hats! grandma and grandpa johnson are so happy! your uncles and aunts on the johnson side are all so excited. your cousins on the johnson side are all so excited. your grandma and grandpa newman are excited. your aunt and uncles on the newman side are excited. your cousins... basically - you have a very large family who are incredibly excited to meet you and be apart of your life and you be apart of theirs. auntie joni, auntie wubs, and auntie neva are SO excited to meet you.

i love you more than words can express. please stay safe. please grow and be healthy. we eagerly await your arrival, with open arms and a heart full of love and joy. 

love,

mommy.

Soli Deo Gloria! God is so good. i cannot thank our Creator anymore than i am right now... Hallelujah! 04.03.13