naturalizing...

hi my babies. i wanted to tell you something. i talk a lot about wanting to feel you in my tummy, that i want to experience being a mommy before you've even taken your first breath of air. i know i talk about that a lot and i won't make light of it, i really do hope to have you inside my tummy where i can care for you from conception on. but i also want to let you know that if for some reason you come into my life in a different way other than what i have hoped for, i want you to know that i love you just the same, no matter what. no matter how you come into my life, you're still so precious and special to me. i love you and i cherish you. i am blessed to be your mommy.

your dear old mother has some medical nonsense that may possibly prevent her from having a safe and healthy home inside her tummy for you, so if that is the case, we may have to go another route to find and bring you home to be with us. theres this thing called adoption. its when you're born by one person who feels that the most loving and responsible thing for them to do is to place you for adoption so that a family who is looking to love and care for you is waiting. if for some reason we have to go that route, i never want you to think that i resent you, that i am utterly disappointed that you are not my blood. if i call you my son, if i call you my daughter, you mean more to me than i can even express. God has given me a huge capacity to love you and i can't wait to shower you with it, to the best of my abilities. i may not be perfect, there may be days that i'm awful or a mess, but i love you and always will. please show me grace just as Christ has! please!

there are a few things about adoption that are simply amazing. 1) your grandpa & grandma johnson were both adopted! you could have that in common! 2) your birth mother loved, cared and respected your life so much that  she knew she was unable to give you the life you deserved, so she allowed you to come to a family who could offer you that life. 3) as a Christian, we are adopted into the family of Jesus! how amazing is that? when Jesus chooses us to be a part of His family, He calls us to His family, He saves us from our sins, He adopts us and makes us heirs to His kingdom. so if you think of adoption in a heavenly fashion, its quite a remarkable thing. i am nowhere near as amazing as God but if you come into my life through adoption, i am bringing you into my life as if you were my own blood, as if you did come from my womb, you are my family. so nothing will ever change that. there will be no partiality or sadness that you did not come from my tummy... because if God chooses to give you to me through the form of adoption, i will remember that I was adopted into Christ's family and I'm so glad that i was. i hope you will be happy with me and bud as your mommy and daddy. we love you!

love,
mommy.