where there is love, i'll be there.

hello my babies. oh how i am longing to hold you in my arms. seeing cute little babies at church today, talking to MaMa Joni on the phone about things and hearing her take care of her little girls (who will be like big sisters to you!) and wondering lots of things about myself and your daddy - it all welled up in my heart today. i want to have you little ones in my tummy and in my arms soon. i do know that i must be patient and that i must press on. two things we talked about at church today - and i'm learning to do that. but oh what a joy it would be to have you inside, knowing that you're going to grow and i'll feel you doing your first dance steps inside my tummy. knowing that one day soon i'll be able to take you into my arms and nestle you upon my breast and enjoy the bond of mother and child. oh i cannot even fathom what it will be like when you are here. if i love you this much now, can you imagine what it will be like when you're physically here? i am going to have to start training myself to not spoil you now. honestly, i don't think i will spoil you (i wasn't spoiled by your grandma and grandpa, so don't expect to be spoiled, at least not by me) but you will have all the love you will ever need.

your daddy and i hung out with your grandpa and grandma johnson today. it was a lot of fun! we had yummy lasagna and salad and garlic bread. these are all things i'm assuming you will truly enjoy one day!!! oh and we had cake and iced tea! it was very nice. then i looked at pictures of memaw and pawpaw's life before i was around and it was very interesting. there are a lot of people i wish i could have met that unfortunately i never got the chance too. it was neat to see pictures of my mommy around the same age as i am now! sadly she was much skinnier than i am, but i am slowly losing weight. you'd be so proud of me. but if you're in my tummy, i don't know how much weight i'll lose. hopefully i'll lose weight while still keeping you healthy and happy in there! who knows. anyway - after 5 or 6 books of pictures and taking a short nap with your daddy on the couch we came home and that was when i talked to MaMa Joni. she wrote a book and its going to be published! i will read it to you one day!!! woohoo! its all about your friend (kind of sister) hailey joy and her love for green beans. i hope one day you like green beans. i do! your daddy does not.

anyhow, i should go. i want to spend some special time with daddy before i go to sleep. so i will have to talk to you again some other time my lovelies. until next time - know that i'm loving you and thinking of you every day and am eager to meet you and get to know you!

love,
mommy.

your friend brody came over!

hi babies. your friend brody came over today. he was a little unnerved when he first got here but i think he became more comfortable a little later. his mommy is your mommy's friend. her name is becky and she can't wait to meet you. sadly - i don't think you're in mommy's tummy yet. it was a sad day today because when i took the test to see if you were in my tummy, it said no. but you know what i'm learning through waiting? i'm learning to love Jesus more and to trust Him more with the things that are out of my control. daddy and i can do whats necessary to get you in my tummy but it takes a work of God to make it happen. so i will continue to pray for your arrival. but even so - i continue to pray for you daily and the life that you will live and lead. i love you. sorry for a short update. i didn't want to make it seem as if i was ignoring you - i just haven't been very up on writing in my blogs and if i do, its just about what i did during the day and then i go to bed. well, i must go to bed now actually. i hold you in my heart, my lovelies. until that day when i get to hold you - i'm dreaming and praying of your arrival.

love,
mommy.

every mother's prayer...

tears are flowing while i listen to this song. i love you my babies. come to me soon.

love,

mommy.

oh my little ones how i love you.

dearest ones! oh how i love you so much. please come soon! the anticipation is making mommy go crazy. i don't know if you're even in my belly yet (you could be but who knows... we have to wait to find out) but if you are - i love you even if you're only the size of a sesame seed! today while holding the babies that i watch everyday, i held them close and it made me think about how i'm going to wrap my arms around you and hold you tight. it made me think about how so many people are going to be excited to meet you and love you. you should hurry up and come so you can meet all these awesome people. let me make a list of people who want to meet you!

your daddy

your mommy

your puppy

your kitty

your grandpa johnson

your grandma johnson

your uncle bob

your aunt donna

your cousin alissa

your cousin caleb

your cousin meaghan

your uncle matt

your uncle dan

your aunt sarah

your cousin carter

your grandpa newman

your grandma newman

your uncle steven

your aunt julie

your great grandfather newman

your great uncle newman

your great aunt newman

your first cousin jesse

your first cousin joel

your great grandpa walker

your great grandpa walker's girlfriend lynn

your auntie cher

your mama joni (and her husband vince and their kids - natalie, emma & hailey joy)

your mommy's best friends katie, amber, & cat

your mommy and daddy's friends: jared, cami, daks & zaedyn, becky, cara. nick, liz & steve - joshua and elijah and sabrina and lydia and katie, tammy, forrest, nic & laura, matt and nikki, juli and erik, kyle & stacy, justin, james, richard & rhonda and leila and ailia, andy, april, noeme, vaughn, maria, grace & winton - gloria and wallace, maggie, friends in hong kong, the carbajals, michelle, the chans, the rest of the crossweave family... etc. there is plenty of people that we love and cherish but did not name, because its getting late and i need rest...

the list will continue to go on and on. anyone who meets me will be SO happy to meet you because you're a very special part of your mommy's life. anyone who meets your daddy will be SO happy to meet you because you're a very special part of your daddy's life. so you better hurry up, come quickly so we can hang out with all these awesome people and be blessed by them and be a blessing to them! well, i have to go to bed my dear. if you're in your mommy's tummy right now - she needs her rest so you can grow and thrive. i love you my darlings. so much i can't even express it in words. hope to see you soon.

love, 

mommy

from daddy.

often times i sit and think

of what it will be like

to hear you laugh and carry on

and hold your gentle frame

now is such a time for me

to dream and wish alike

and think of how i'll love you more

but never just the same

perhaps you'll be an architect

a linguist or a vet

or make creative sight and sound

to capture everyone

i think you could be many things

all wonderful, and yet

the one thing you shall e'er remain:

my daughter and/or son

love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.

hello my darlings. i love you. and because i love you - i want you to know something. i am praying for you. i know i've said this before, but today - i prayed especially for you. i was taking a hot shower, asking God to bring you into my life, to allow you to come sooner rather than later and it struck me that i need to DAILY pray for your life. and what that means is not just that you will be here and live and be my child. but most importantly that your life will be a living sacrifice to the Lord of Hosts. that you will live your life as a poured out drink offering to Him. i want you to be children of God, apart of His inheritance, following Him in His priesthood over our lives. if nothing else, i want you to love the Lord and live to serve Him. i don't care what you look like, i don't care if your fat or thin, if you're popular or unpopular, if you're funny or not. the only thing that truly matters is that you live your life in accordance to the will of God. the will He has for your life and that is to cling to Him, repent and follow Him. i pray this over you even now, before you're even born. that is SO important and it brings me to tears thinking of you living a life apart from Him. but it brings me to tears living a life in honor of Him too. i love you. and i promise to tell you all about Jesus and what He has done in my life, in your daddy's life, in the life of our friends and family. and i promise to teach you all i know and if i don't know something - we'll look into it together and grow together. i'm so excited little ones. i love you and i can't wait to meet you and help you to meet Jesus.

love,
mommy.

i want to hold you.

hi my babies. its been a few days, but please know that i haven't gone a day without thinking of you or loving you. your daddy and i have been talking about you coming into our lives soon (we're hoping that day comes soon) and all the things we will be able to do with you while you're in my tummy. (and when you're not in my tummy anymore, of course! but let me focus on that part for a little bit) let me explain - in a very brief way. you come from the love of mommy and daddy and you end up in my tummy until the day you're supposed to have your birthday! when you come out of mommy's belly, thats considered your birthday! i'm sorry but you won't be getting cake or ice cream on your very first birthdays. maybe your 1 year birthday! you will be in mommy's tummy for nearly a year. its like your very own condo. you have everything you need. protection, food, a place to play, a place to dance! and i will make sure to make it as lovely for you as possible!

as you grow in my tummy, my tummy grows with you! you will no doubt one day learn about the constant battle women have with big tummy's and the dirty word - 'weight'. women don't like to be overweight. sadly - i am overweight, but i know you'll love me regardless! we're going to be best friends! but when theres a baby in a womans tummy, most women don't care how big they get! i know i won't. as long as you're healthy and i'm not putting either of us at risk, if you want to make me look like a beached whale, thats okay in my book. i can't wait to be able to feel you moving inside. the little flutters at first where you're just learning the butt wiggle. the more noticeable movements where you're learning the side to side groove. and then the big moves where you've learned the chacha, the salsa, the lindy hop and the cancan! wow, you will know more dance moves then me! you're so brilliant!!! i can't wait to meet you.

i hope you don't mind that while you're in my tummy, i plan on wearing shirts that are either geeky and fun or super cute. i have a feeling i'm going to love maternity clothes as i already do but have no reason to wear them. i'm not pregnant yet! but once you're in there, i plan on wearing fun clothes. but don't worry - when you're born, you will be wearing fun awesome clothes too! how's a ninja shirt or an iPood shirt sound? they have some super fun clothes for you out there and i'm going to get them all. well maybe not, but a good mix for sure. and you will also have a nice bed, a nice car seat, a nice stroller. maybe a few toys - but lets get one thing straight. you're not going to be spoiled with stuff. sorry. you'll be SUPER loved, you'll have a few THINGS, but your dad and i are minimalists. we get by with what we NEED and have very few extras. its just how we are. but - theres a lot of love in this family and when you get here, there will be even more!

well, i'm tired and i'm sure you can tell by reading this blog. i'm kind of all over the place. i'm not feeling very well and my head is a little foggy today. i better get to bed so i can go to work tomorrow and make money. whee. well, i love you my babies. you're more precious to me then you even know or will ever know i think. you're amazing and i love you. daddy loves you too. one day he'll write to you on here, hopefully one day soon. praying for you in more ways than one.

love,
mommy.