once a week.

hello my precious ones. today your "auntie" amber and i watched a movie about babies being born and it made me want you so badly to be in my tummy, to be in my arms, to be on my chest. i love you so much and i think of you daily. your daddy and i want you to come soon. but all in God's timing. i am going to write to you once a week - i want to get in the habit. i love you and i miss you and i can't wait to meet you. one day. i'm sorry this is a short letter, but know that i'm thinking of you and wondering what your favorite colors will be, what your cry will sound like, and what color your eyes will be. will you be born with hair? will you say words like me or like your daddy? oh the joys of getting to know you will be so amazing.

love,
mommy.

as time goes by...

hello babies. i am thinking of you and loving you. my arms feel so empty without you, my heart feels so little without the joy that your cry, your touch, your love, your laughter, your smell will bring to it. i cannot wait to meet you. i cannot wait to hold you. i cannot wait to show you the world and let you know that its not as scary as it may seem. today i couldn't help myself - i was wondering what you'll look like. what color eyes you'll have. how much trouble are you going to give me when your stubborn side comes out. will you have my curly hair, your dad's big lips, my little hands? how long will you call me mommy until you decide to shorten it to just 'mom'. my days are sometimes daydreams about the days we'll get to spend together. your old mom here is just having a rough day being patient. she's having a hard time. its been a while since one of these hard days have come. and don't think for a moment that its been a while since i thought of you - i think of you daily. its just been a while since i cried out of frustration. i know you'll come when you're supposed too. i know you'll be conceived at the perfect moment. i know that God is in control. don't worry - your mom is not always an emotional wreck, she usually keeps things together quite nicely. and i'll do my best once you get here.

well... i've rambled on and on. today - i made cookies with your cousin carter. blueberry oatmeal! they were delicious. i also watched part of finding nemo. its a movie that is super cute and fun. other than that, i visited your daddy at work and had dinner with him. then came home and relaxed. i'm tired now though so i should get to bed. i love you and i'm thinking of you. i hold you in my heart until the day comes where i can hold you in both my heart and my arms. i love you.

love,
mommy

i'm loving you...

hello my lovelies. i hate it when i don't write because i feel like i'm missing out on precious time to talk to you and let you know what i'm thinking. everyday that goes by, i am praying and hoping that you will show up, that i will find out that i have you in my tummy. lately, i've been hanging out with your cousins, carter and evan! if you were to come soon, you and evan would be close in age and be able to play with each other. if you come later, well... carter can teach you all sorts of new things. he loves to teach and show people stuff. you and him will have so much fun.

a few weeks ago, mommy and daddy celebrated their 4 year anniversary of being married! that means that mommy and daddy have been married for almost as many years as there are fingers on one hand! its pretty exciting! we love each other more and more each day, so i hope you know that no matter what, you will always be loved and have parents who love each other. we have our spats, don't let me fool you. there are days where we are not always nice people... but no matter what, we love each other and we love you, and will for the rest of our lives. you will never lack in the love department. but if you ever feel left out, if you ever feel like you need a little extra love and care, please know that i'm always there to hold you, hug you, kiss you, pray with you. it will never be a problem for me to stop what i am doing and give you some extra affection... in fact, i'm sure there will be days where you want me to back off and i'll cringe a little. but i'll understand. i promise. (thankfully, thats not for a long time!) love is an important part of life and you will be surrounded by it! if not by mommy and daddy, then by your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, your friends, your church family. you will be so well loved and cared for, i don't think you'll know what to do with yourself.

the weekend after mommy and daddy celebrated being married, we went to our home church and became members. it was a big step as becoming a member to a church means you are connected to them. just like a family. spiritually, you have people who are there to make sure you're okay, to make sure you're living right and stuff. the big word for that is "accountability". so now we have true accountability from a church family. we also are considered part of their family and can help them and look out for them too! its awesome. whenever God decides to bless us with your lovely self, we will get you baptized. we so look forward to having you baptized, having you dedicated and prayed over. it will be a very beautiful day. 

is it okay to tell you that sometimes, your mommy gets jealous? there are a lot of people around her who have either already had a child and are on their second one, who didn't want children right now and are having them, and sometimes random strangers walk by who have babies in their bellies or in their arms and my heart longs to be with you. but God is teaching mommy true reliance on Him and is teaching me that, if i don't get to have you in my arms any time soon or in my tummy... that i will be okay, regardless. and i am learning that daddy has to be enough for me... and its a hard thing for mommy to learn. but... i'm learning. and i'm trusting. and i'm seeing that jealousy is slowly going away. :) these things i tell you, about church family, about God showing us things, about love, about having accountability and living right... these are all things shown to us by the God that we serve. and i cannot wait to tell you about Him. He is wonderful and glorious! 

until next time...

i love you,

mommy.

how can i miss someone i've never met?

oh my dear sweet little ones. me and daddy love you so much! i am missing you and wanting you in my life right now. lately i have thought about writing you but i knew that if i wrote, i would probably come across as a bumbling whinny. i have started watching your cousins carter and evan! one day, when you get here, you'll meet them and love them. evan will be closer to your age, especially if you come sooner rather than later. so please, feel free to show up in your momma's tummy any day now!

it is a lot more difficult these days... seeing people i know have babies, people i know adopting babies, people i know having their second or third babies... it is so difficult. i am so happy for all of them, i want all the best for them and their growing families. but it is pretty difficult for me because i have no idea when you are coming. i love you so much and i just want to hold you in my arms, rock you, nurse you, and experience life with you. your daddy can't wait to play with you and teach you all sorts of neat things, to hold you and kiss you! so please don't be nervous. please feel free to come soon! we love you. let us get to know you!

oh and just to let you know:



i love you. please come soon.

love,
mommy.

you are on my thoughts...

hello my precious little ones. i know its been a while since i wrote, and i know that i say that all too often. but you're never not on my mind. there are always things that happen during the day that bring my thoughts to the day where i'll get to experience life with you in it. lately i am praying that God will bless your mommy's tummy so that it will be fit to hold you for the first 9 months of your life. your daddy and i are working on getting you here, we just have to be patient. thankfully, you're not the one that has to be patient because my goodness it can be very difficult.

patience. lets talk about that shall we. it will be one of the hardest lessons you will have to learn at an early age. you will get to a point in your life where you want to communicate what it is you want or need and won't be able to. please know that i will do my best to understand what it is that you want, but please be patient with me. its been a while since i've spoke 'baby' and it will be a little difficult. thankfully though, we will have a special bond! i'll be able to know certain things about you that others won't. daddy and i will know when you're tired, hungry, wet, poopy, angry, frustrated, or just crying to cry. granted, a lot of that will be from experience and getting to know your each and every different cry (believe it or not... you will have multiple cries that tell us different things!) but some of it will just be instilled in us by the Lord. so please, be patient with your mommy and daddy. we will do our best to be patient with you as well, because... well let's face it. you won't understand 'adult' very well either.

well, i just wanted to stop by and say i love you, i'm thinking of you, and i'm working on helping you break through and make an appearance. you're lovely and precious to your daddy and me. we can't wait to meet you.

love,
mommy

p.s. been watching this video with the girls i watch for work and all i can think about is you!