full of mommy thoughts!

hello my lovely ones. although you're not here yet, although you're still a thought in my mind and a prayer in my heart - you're still loved and this is just a little glimpse at the love i have for you.

perhaps you're my little boy. maybe one day you and i will play in the mud together, playing with trucks and catching bugs! i bet one day i'll be watching you try out for sports and play them with vigor! don't worry - i will do my best to kiss all your skinned knees and elbows, i'll put ice on any and all bumps and bruises. don't worry, i will try not to embarrass you in front of your friends. maybe you want to be a singer or a drummer! if thats your dream - you get it from your daddy and myself. speaking of your father, do me a favor and don't gang up on me with him when you're better at speaking cantonese than i am. maybe one day i'll see you take a girl out on a date, and hopefully i won't have to wipe any tears of heartbreak from any eyes. i'll have to fight them back myself, my dear handsome son - as i know one day i'll be replaced with that one special woman who you just can't live without and will marry. you better take care of your bride and any little children that come along. but what a joy it will be, to see you grow up into a God fearing man, get married, raise children of your own. oh to be a grandmother to your children! i can't even comprehend what that will be like! my hope is for you that you'll seek after the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind - that you will let Him guide you in your day to day life and whatever future He has for you. there's so much i'd love to say to you but for now i'll just say this: it will be great to be your mommy! i love you.

perhaps you're my little girl. maybe one day i'll hear you sing disney songs and worship songs. my heart would burst with joy, how fun it would be to sing with you! maybe we'll even play in the mud too and catch bugs! perhaps you want to do sports or maybe you'll take after your old mom and be a singer. i'll teach you anything it is that i think i know about singing and songs and music! your old man will be better at teaching you music theory and stuff like that, if you know, you're interested in all that! if its sports - i'll be at every try out and i'll go to every game (i'll do my best that is). and just because you're a girl - that doesn't mean you'll go without skinned knees and elbows. i'll do my best to kiss them better and hug any tears away! and although i'm not big into getting nails done and hair done and all that kind of pampering stuff - i'm sure we'll do that a little bit! maybe we'll go to mainland china and get massages for really cheap! that would be fun. oh maybe i can even teach you how to crochet! maybe you'll make more scarves in your life than i have, i hope i don't give you the curse of starting and not finishing them!  oh my darling daughter, i pray that you don't try to find your worth in any boy and that you wait for that one guy who will love you for who you are inside. a man like your father, who will lead you in your walk with the Lord and who will take care of you the way a man should. but i also pray that you wait and don't rely on that. i pray that you will be that proverbs 31 woman and that if anything happens - you find your life in line with God's will for you. i could say heaps more but i'll stop with this: i love you and wow, its going to be amazing to be your mommy!

till next time my dears.

love,
mommy.