baby mine.

hello babies.

i love you so much. i was thinking about a scene in a movie called dumbo. its about a little elephant that has to find his way back to his mommy and finds out that he is an incredible and extraordinary little boy. its wonderful. there is a beautiful scene where, while the mommy and baby can't be together completely, they are still able to share a moment together and show their love to one another. i recently watched this movie with your cousin, carter, and broke out into tears thinking how special you already are to me and how i would do anything to hold you right now. and how, even though we can't be together completely right now, i will do all that i can to show you i love you, even though you're not here yet. one day i hope to sing this song to you in your nursery, under the moon and starlight, and praise the Lord above for blessing me with you. here is the song. i love you, sweet ones. you're in my thoughts always.




love,
mommy.

sing like mommy. film like daddy.

dear sweet little ones,

i'm getting better at blogging more consistently. i think of you daily. daddy wants you to come soon. so do i. and your puppy and catty want you to come play soon as well. your aunts and uncles and cousins - they all say come soon, dear ones. OH! your daddy got a great job teaching english through english video/audio stuff. what that means is people can listen to the lessons your daddy created and produced and learn how to speak our language! how exciting is that? he loves it. and its a great job that will offer us more of a future than we've been offered in the past. other than that, not much to write today, my heart aches for you so badly that tears are forming in my eyes as i write this. i love you.

my thoughts about you today: will you love to sing like your mommy sings? will you play the drums like your daddy? will you be into youtube? will you want to make videos and teach english like daddy? granted, youtube might be something completely different by the time you get around to it.

my prayer for you today: that you will come soon. that God will put you in mommy's tummy soon so that i can feel your life within me. that you will know that i've prayed for you for so long. that i've cherished you before you were even created.

time for me to get to sleep. i love you darling babes.

love,
mommy.

unacceptable.

hello my babies. this has been an entirely unacceptable amount of time that has passed since i last wrote. i will try to write more. you're still not in my tummy... but someday i hope you will be. if not in my tummy, at least in my arms by the gift of adoption. we will see what happens. mommy and daddy moved. we live closer to uncle dan and aunt sarah and your cousins carter and evan. its been a great time and things have been fun. but it'd be a lot more fun if you were here. i love you and i wish you were here. we'll keep trying. i love you. i love you. i love you.

love,
mommy.

once a week.

hello my precious ones. today your "auntie" amber and i watched a movie about babies being born and it made me want you so badly to be in my tummy, to be in my arms, to be on my chest. i love you so much and i think of you daily. your daddy and i want you to come soon. but all in God's timing. i am going to write to you once a week - i want to get in the habit. i love you and i miss you and i can't wait to meet you. one day. i'm sorry this is a short letter, but know that i'm thinking of you and wondering what your favorite colors will be, what your cry will sound like, and what color your eyes will be. will you be born with hair? will you say words like me or like your daddy? oh the joys of getting to know you will be so amazing.

love,
mommy.

as time goes by...

hello babies. i am thinking of you and loving you. my arms feel so empty without you, my heart feels so little without the joy that your cry, your touch, your love, your laughter, your smell will bring to it. i cannot wait to meet you. i cannot wait to hold you. i cannot wait to show you the world and let you know that its not as scary as it may seem. today i couldn't help myself - i was wondering what you'll look like. what color eyes you'll have. how much trouble are you going to give me when your stubborn side comes out. will you have my curly hair, your dad's big lips, my little hands? how long will you call me mommy until you decide to shorten it to just 'mom'. my days are sometimes daydreams about the days we'll get to spend together. your old mom here is just having a rough day being patient. she's having a hard time. its been a while since one of these hard days have come. and don't think for a moment that its been a while since i thought of you - i think of you daily. its just been a while since i cried out of frustration. i know you'll come when you're supposed too. i know you'll be conceived at the perfect moment. i know that God is in control. don't worry - your mom is not always an emotional wreck, she usually keeps things together quite nicely. and i'll do my best once you get here.

well... i've rambled on and on. today - i made cookies with your cousin carter. blueberry oatmeal! they were delicious. i also watched part of finding nemo. its a movie that is super cute and fun. other than that, i visited your daddy at work and had dinner with him. then came home and relaxed. i'm tired now though so i should get to bed. i love you and i'm thinking of you. i hold you in my heart until the day comes where i can hold you in both my heart and my arms. i love you.

love,
mommy

i'm loving you...

hello my lovelies. i hate it when i don't write because i feel like i'm missing out on precious time to talk to you and let you know what i'm thinking. everyday that goes by, i am praying and hoping that you will show up, that i will find out that i have you in my tummy. lately, i've been hanging out with your cousins, carter and evan! if you were to come soon, you and evan would be close in age and be able to play with each other. if you come later, well... carter can teach you all sorts of new things. he loves to teach and show people stuff. you and him will have so much fun.

a few weeks ago, mommy and daddy celebrated their 4 year anniversary of being married! that means that mommy and daddy have been married for almost as many years as there are fingers on one hand! its pretty exciting! we love each other more and more each day, so i hope you know that no matter what, you will always be loved and have parents who love each other. we have our spats, don't let me fool you. there are days where we are not always nice people... but no matter what, we love each other and we love you, and will for the rest of our lives. you will never lack in the love department. but if you ever feel left out, if you ever feel like you need a little extra love and care, please know that i'm always there to hold you, hug you, kiss you, pray with you. it will never be a problem for me to stop what i am doing and give you some extra affection... in fact, i'm sure there will be days where you want me to back off and i'll cringe a little. but i'll understand. i promise. (thankfully, thats not for a long time!) love is an important part of life and you will be surrounded by it! if not by mommy and daddy, then by your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, your friends, your church family. you will be so well loved and cared for, i don't think you'll know what to do with yourself.

the weekend after mommy and daddy celebrated being married, we went to our home church and became members. it was a big step as becoming a member to a church means you are connected to them. just like a family. spiritually, you have people who are there to make sure you're okay, to make sure you're living right and stuff. the big word for that is "accountability". so now we have true accountability from a church family. we also are considered part of their family and can help them and look out for them too! its awesome. whenever God decides to bless us with your lovely self, we will get you baptized. we so look forward to having you baptized, having you dedicated and prayed over. it will be a very beautiful day. 

is it okay to tell you that sometimes, your mommy gets jealous? there are a lot of people around her who have either already had a child and are on their second one, who didn't want children right now and are having them, and sometimes random strangers walk by who have babies in their bellies or in their arms and my heart longs to be with you. but God is teaching mommy true reliance on Him and is teaching me that, if i don't get to have you in my arms any time soon or in my tummy... that i will be okay, regardless. and i am learning that daddy has to be enough for me... and its a hard thing for mommy to learn. but... i'm learning. and i'm trusting. and i'm seeing that jealousy is slowly going away. :) these things i tell you, about church family, about God showing us things, about love, about having accountability and living right... these are all things shown to us by the God that we serve. and i cannot wait to tell you about Him. He is wonderful and glorious! 

until next time...

i love you,

mommy.

how can i miss someone i've never met?

oh my dear sweet little ones. me and daddy love you so much! i am missing you and wanting you in my life right now. lately i have thought about writing you but i knew that if i wrote, i would probably come across as a bumbling whinny. i have started watching your cousins carter and evan! one day, when you get here, you'll meet them and love them. evan will be closer to your age, especially if you come sooner rather than later. so please, feel free to show up in your momma's tummy any day now!

it is a lot more difficult these days... seeing people i know have babies, people i know adopting babies, people i know having their second or third babies... it is so difficult. i am so happy for all of them, i want all the best for them and their growing families. but it is pretty difficult for me because i have no idea when you are coming. i love you so much and i just want to hold you in my arms, rock you, nurse you, and experience life with you. your daddy can't wait to play with you and teach you all sorts of neat things, to hold you and kiss you! so please don't be nervous. please feel free to come soon! we love you. let us get to know you!

oh and just to let you know:



i love you. please come soon.

love,
mommy.